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Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader.ELO Part 2 - Honest Men (Original UK Promo Video 1991)
I have been single and dating, on and off, for four years. My marriage was very lonely and sad, although he was a good, decent man.
My next relationship was with a woman who turned my life upside-down. With hindsight, I can see that it was abusive and damaging, but in the midst of it I was giddy with love. I am not just seeking someone to ward off loneliness. Every person I have dated has wanted to become very serious very quickly.
I find this incredibly off-putting. There is a desperation among the people I have met to just couple-up quickly and get on with watching television in companionable silence. The crux of it is, I think, that I find nobody is good enough, which makes me think I am the problem.
I might fancy someone enough to want to kiss them, but find them dull to talk with, or they are fascinating to talk to, but are bankrupt and have nowhere to live and within days are suggesting they move in. Might my inability to find someone be age-related? Or is it me? I am far from perfect, I have scars and weaknesses, too. Am I deluded?
Am I the problem? It sounds as if you are confident and self-possessed — wonderful things to be, but they can be really attractive for people who lack those attributes; whereas it sounds as if you are looking for someone a bit more like yourself. I was left wondering what your experiences of relationships were before you got married.
There was a sense of a reawakening in you after you got divorced. This is not uncommon in people who have been married a long time; they can go back into the dating scene with the vigour of a teenager, only to find the landscape has changed.
I consulted Kirstie McEwan, a relationship and sexual therapist cosrt. Maybe you have unrealistic expectations which allow them to be unfulfilled?
However, I think this might be a shame because looking for a partner is a bit like house-hunting. You begin with a list of things you want, but what can happen is you end up with something you never planned on, but which just blows you away. I think your subconscious knows this, which is why it is picking faults with everyone.
To continue the house analogy: you are not ready to move just yet. One thing gave me pause — you seem hypercritical of certain rather human traits.
This can be a of someone who lives very much in their head, with a fantastical idea of a partner, ie not someone animate, with failings. Annalisa regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Follow Annalisa on Twitter AnnalisaB.
Ask Annalisa Barbieri Family. I want more than just watching television in companionable silence Annalisa Barbieri.15 Things Women Only Do With The Men They Love
Fri 21 Apr Reuse this content.Honest man looking for wife
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